Friday, February 27, 2015

Jackie The Jester: Humor to Offend Everyone Again

Jackie Poff
Stroke Survivors Tattler
  • Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
  • In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper & lead. 
  • A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?' Granny replies, 'f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?'
  • Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?' Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humor!'
  • The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
  • I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster. 
  • My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off. 
  • I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
  • Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
  • The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
  • My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
  • A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister.” "That's a disgrace," said the priest,"especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."

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