Saturday, March 19, 2016

Jester: Ponderisms

Jackie Poff
Stroke Survivors Tattler
  • Can you cry under water? 
  • How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 
  • Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? 
  • Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? 
  • Why does a round pizza come in a square box? 
  • What disease did cured ham actually have? 
  • How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? 
  • Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? 
  • If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? 
  • Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
  • Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? 
  • Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. 
  • Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? 
  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? 
  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? 
  • Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ? 
  • If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? 
  • Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! 
  • If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME STUFF, why didn't he just buy dinner? 
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? 
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? 
  • Why Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? 
  • Why did you just try singing the two songs above? 
  • Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? 
  • Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? 
  • Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

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